All my excitement in having a new baby easily went away a few days after I gave birth. Like a kid, I was expecting life to be like a fairy tale once I got what I wanted. To my surprise, there is no happily ever after without crossing the rough roads. I guess it takes a while for reality to sink in.
Too Busy with Two
I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I am a wife, mother of two, a pet owner, teacher to my kindergarten, food to my 2-month old son, trainer to my yaya, secretary/planner to my husband, party planner to my clients and friends, etc. There is no beginning nor end to my day.
Every mother has their fair share of regrets in having too many kids but loving their life at the same time. I am one of those moms. I may have little regrets like I don’t get to go out anymore or do this and that. Even a short peaceful bathroom break is a no-go right now but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my kids, I love my messy family.
If you are single (and reading this) you might have dumped the idea of getting married and building your own family. Difficult as it is, mothers like me have given up so much in life for endless nursing, piles of laundry, valley of dirty diapers and heavy eye bags but still get to enjoy the countless smiles and giggles of a toothless little creature and the I wove yous of a semi toothless little miss.
Me vs Breastfeeding
When I had my daughter I was innocent about breastfeeding (and too young back then) so I opted for milk in a bottle. It was just during my second pregnancy that I convinced myself to pursue exclusive breastfeeding.
Since I am very determined and excited, I did not ask help from a lactation nurse. On our last day at the hospital I felt the pain every first time (BF) moms are grumbling about. But it was too late to ask the lactation nurse to swing by our room for a consultation.
Days passed by and the pain on my left boob got worse that everytime I make him latch, I cry. I cry to my husband and I tell him I don’t want to do it anymore. I also had this motto that I don’t want to use nipple creams because it has chemicals so I used my milk as remedy but it didn’t work immediately.
Not only I got nipple sore I also felt the aftermath of giving birth. I was too tired and ready to give up. We can’t even go out because for me it is too hard to feed outside. That for me is a big hassle.
So I lowered my pride and bought a lanolin cream. The cream healed my cracked nipple and I got to express 5oz of milk in less than 30 minutes. Oh boy what a joy!
So I told myself that if this joy continues, I will breastfeed him for another 6 months. A few weeks later he learned to smile and giggle and coo whenever he is on me. I told myself, “okay maybe a year.” Another week has passed and as I was reading some write-ups about breastfeeding, my mind was opened and so is my heart.
Maybe it was just me who thinks I don’t enjoy nursing. Everytime Miguel latches and looks at me in the eye, my heart melts. So I decided to breastfeed until supplies last!
It is true what they told me that it will get easier. So easy that whenever we go out I just bring a cover with me and strike wherever we are.
Breastfeeding is such a huge commitment. Setting aside your personal agenda for your child’s nourishment is a big thing. You will be a cow. Literally. But then again it is a perfect example of pure joy only mothers know.
So if you are thinking twice about breastfeeding, don’t. Do it. The worst part will be over in a blink of an eye.
Every people gets depressed. But the sadness after giving birth is different.
I am usually a happy person. I love to laugh, easy to please. When I gave birth to my first daughter, post partum depression lasted until 6 months. It would kick in day after another. I get sad easily, I think about problems too much. I think about leaving my daughter and be single again.
It did not make any difference this time around.
I cried most of the time and contemplating why did I ever want another child. Then I wanted to break my husband’s bones whenever I feel like he’s not being helpful. I felt very dark and negative.
Good thing though it just lasted for a month. I just woke up one day and felt very light and happy. I spend sometime in a day reading positive things, researching and seeking the word of God. Educating yourself with what’s going on with your baby and your body is a good move too.
I also read somewhere that nursing helps reduce stress and sadness. Up until now I don’t fuss about any problem. I just look at my kids and feel instant relief. I guess my husband feels the same way too because I don’t bug him that often now.
Although I am not new at being a mom and while most people think I am already an expert, not all kids are the same. I still get surprised in what my kids can do each day. I am thankful that (and I know I prayed for it) Miguel is such an easy baby and Ate Ryry is becoming more independent.
In conclusion, never let pride get you. Talk to people (I’m glad I did and I love you all!) and don’t compare.
Ten years from now I will be looking back at this post and will probably miss all the things I wrote here.