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When He is not the One

Sometimes I think he’s not the one. Why did I ever think he is? We are completely different and our differences are getting in the way of our love.

Romance have died and was replaced by silence and raised eyebrows. Eight years of being together and this is it?

September hasn’t ended yet but I have got to close this month already! It has been the most exhausting month for me this year. Losing a baby sitter, financial and relationship troubles, I need to move on!

What is love?

I quite lost myself on how I should define love lately. Is love painful? Is love tiring? Does love mean you have to lose yourself with all the chores and yet people expect you to be sane at the end of each day? Yes.

Love is selfless, painful and exhausting.

See, I haven’t said “I love you” to my husband for a month now because I have lost sight of what is lovable about him. He’s busy with work, tired, stressed and unhelpful most of the time while I try to juggle tasks at home feeling unappreciated and neglected.

He would spend hours sleeping or browsing his phone or watching TV while I cook, do the laundry, nurse, clean, shop for food and nurse. It was driving me crazy! I was so ready to give up that sometimes I cry while taking a shower. And my husband is not the confrontational type. He would react aggressively if you correct him, so this time, being afraid of what might come out from his mouth, I decided to keep it in.

But of course I couldn’t keep it in and neither can he!

Our Wednesday nights are reserved for devotions. And God always, always uses this time to talk to us. No kidding, all verses/notes are always perfect for what we are going through.

The topic is about: Finding Strength in Submission.
“Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I prefer to appeal to you on the basis of love.” Philemon 8–9

And the questions are:

  • What do we tend to disagree about? What happens in our relationship whenever that topic comes up? How do our feelings get involved?
  • When we disagree, does one of us generally dominate the other? What is dangerous about that? How could we change that pattern?
  • How do we show our respect for one another when we disagree about something? If we videotaped one of our arguments and showed it to a friend or a marriage counselor, what would they say?

So I said to myself, “this is my chance, I have to tell him”. I did. I told him every single thing that bugs me. His cellphone, the chores, the sarcasm. And likewise, he told me where I am missing.

Praise God for a healthy talk! I realized that keeping it to myself is not the best thing to do BUT finding the perfect timing is a must. It’s one smart way to do an argument, do it on devo night, after opening praying so you’re guided by the Holy Spirit and before closing prayer so you can come to the Lord for resolutions and forgiveness.

After this talk, I am proud to announce that me and my husband take turns in making breakfast. I seldom hear him complain if I give tasks. He puts down his phone whenever I tell him to. He does chores more efficient. He got energy for Church.

In return, I try to be more understanding and submissive. I become more open to how I feel. And surprisingly, God never fails to renew our strength and hope each day.

Just a while ago we had our devotion, it was lovely as ever. It’s about: How True Love Behaves.

Devo time!
Devo time!

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

It’s as if God was talking to us directly reading this:

“It’s easy to pledge love in the heat of passion or during the quiet intimacy of a Valentine’s Day dinner. But true love has to deal with short fuses, tired bodies, overextended commitments and inconvenient interruptions every day. And yet it keeps on giving.”

That is us! The author just described how our everyday is.

No love is perfect but we are made perfect for God. No person can ever meet our expectations but God gives us that person to meet our needs.

So please pray with us, for us?

PS, I will say I love him now!

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