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Marriage and iPhones

What makes an iPhone?

Sure it’s made of glass, aluminum, stainless steel,  wood, circuit boards, battery, intelligent people to design it and hard working laborers to make it.

What makes a marriage?

Everytime I travel I always get the feeling that I forgot to pack my documents. So I check, pack, and check again and again in my brain on the way to the airport.

The night before our flight back to Manila, my sister suggested that we should have our luggage checked in to spare us more time the next morning. I made sure I packed every single thing that we will not be using on the day of our flight and left only the ones good for carry on.

Morning came and I think we over slept a little so Mike and I decided to quickly grab some good breads from the bakery downstairs and made ourselves coffee. I know my husband likes to enjoy his hot coffee while browsing his phone while I chug mine to catch up on last minute packing, checking and re-checking.

As soon as we were all ready, we went out the door, to the car and had a last minute photo ops on my sister’s phone.

It was a 30 minute smooth and easy drive as the kids were busing watching YouTube, I was busy having mental pictures of my checklist. I know I got everything, I got this.

Upon arriving at the airport, we all went down the car, said short but sweet goodbyes to my sisters and off we went straight to the airport security.

“Please put all your phones, bags, watches, belts on the tray.”

After passing the security metal detector, Mike could not stop searching his entire body and he started to mumble “I have a problem. I can’t find my phone.”

There goes my mental checklist — shattered into pieces.

So we did everything that we can on that very moment, contacting my sisters and nephew to double check if the phone was left somewhere in the house or in the car and decided it will be too late to go back or wait if ever it will turn up. But they never found it.

Mike could not recall where he left it or where was the last time he used it.

“Seriously dude?! What’s wrong with you?! I did all the packing and the one thing that you are in charge of is YOURSELF!” Yes, I want to scream that thought right to his face while in line at the passport control.

But no. No. That will be a terrible, horrible idea.

I know he knows, he gets me. He sees right through me even if I put on a smile still. He knows he’s wrong. He gets the big picture behind this catastrophe.

For the past 2 weeks of his stay in Abu Dhabi I have been telling him off about his smartphone addiction. He just can’t put the phone away, always online, always browsing. And it is just perfect timing to shove to his face that I was right, that I-hate-to-say-I-told-you-so phrase I have been dying to say.

No. Wrong again.

My husband is not dumb not to realize his own mistake.

Nine hours later and we can’t still find the phone. One day after, still nowhere to be found.

We have come to settle that it might not make a reappearance ever again. But I don’t want us to quickly give up. I told him that I am on fasting that week and that together we will pray about it and that we will wait (one week) for the Lord to speak to us, then we will decide.

Friday that week Mike decided that it’s about time to report this incident to Globe Telecom and also because he needed to get a replacement sim. He was updating me that day that the line in the store is long and that he was waiting for almost 2 hours now.

All I wanted for that day is for him to come home early as to I was having a difficult time with the kids and chores at home. Then he comes home a little late with a huge smile on his face as he entered our bedroom and LO AND BEHOLD hands me over not a new sim card but a new iPhone and no not an old model but a new one.

He can’t stop gushing about how he miraculously got a new phone for just paying a small amount.

“It was a sign from God, babe!” he said.

Then I fell in to tears. Not because God “answered our prayers” but because yet again his addiction prevailed.

“Babe, don’t confuse God’s sign from temptation” I replied.

Now wait, I know you are thinking what in the world was I saying?

I just had to speak my feelings this time. I think what Mike did was wrong for the following reasons:

  1. He kept it from me. All I know is that he’s getting a new sim not a new phone. He was on the store for hours and he didn’t even bother to send me a message that he’s getting a phone.
  2. He did not ask for my opinion. I am not asking for him to ask me for permission but our relationship is based in team work. We are a team therefore we make decisions together or ask each other’s opinion because dipping our toes in the water.
  3. We both agreed to wait. Wait upon the Lord. Wait for a week not 5 days.
  4. We both sincerely agreed that we cannot spend yet since we are still paying for all the damages we made during our recent travel.
  5. What’s yours in mine. Sometimes I like to point out to him that all our money is just his money because he’s the only one working but he is a good guy and he would always reassure me that what is his — is mine. But if this is the case, why didn’t tell me first before he spend?
  6. Withdrawal. It was not purely because he NEED a phone for work but I know deep inside him he can’t stand the fact that he can no longer keep up with his social media addiction.

After expressing myself, I walked out, took a shower and cried myself to sleep. I can’t remember the last time I let my water works open that the next morning I look like Po from Kung Fu Panda — swelling.

That morning Mike hugged me and told me how sorry he was for being the idiot who made his wife look like Po. He admitted that he was wrong for not asking for my opinion first and that because everything felt right during that moment.

To be honest it really didn’t matter if he gets a new sim or a phone but for one second there I felt irrelevant in his life and his decisions. I felt unloved.

We didn’t just made up that morning. We also made a commitment to cut off our screen time. Replacing the time we spend online to offline doing daily devotions.

It is astonishing how much time we spend on our phones making the other members of the household feel unwanted. I am also guilty being a slave to technology. I really think that losing Mike’s phone is a wake up call to us. We became very dependent to our phones that the minute we lose sight of it, we lose sight of everything good in our lives.

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I still consider this incident a blessing. Blessing that the only thing that we lost that day is a phone. Blessing that we all came home safe and sound. Blessing that Mike did not have to buy a new one but only paid a small amount. Blessing that despite breaking down, Mike and I realized how big our God is and our relationship has become stronger and happier.

Matthew 6:21

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

What makes a marriage?

A marriage consists of YOU and Me and the LORD. “I” does not exist but “WE”. We will both decide then lift it to God. We must become sensitive to each other’s feelings. We must always consider our spouse in all our decisions.

Mark 10: 6-8

“6 But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’So they are no longer two, but one flesh. “

Above all, LOVE makes a marriage.

1 Corinthians 13: 5-7

“5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

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4 thoughts on “Marriage and iPhones

  1. Hi nouelle, commenting on this particular article because I find it Brave and Candid. Brave of you to write your conflict with your hubby (and I’m surprised your husband doesn’t mind). Most of the blog entries I’ve come across are filled with happy times and I am glad you wrote something that is experienced by all couples but only discussed by a few.

    I found your site when I clicked on an FB link sharing your “How to make it work…” blog entry. I found that post very inspirational and it was also an eye opener as to how you handled a problem together as a couple. We are actually in the same situation of one paycheck but you took on a positive and proactive approach; while my hubby and I took the negative road. Lots of blame game and disappointments as to why we are living only on one paycheck.

    Like

  2. hi nouelle.I am a stay at home mom and I can totally relate to what you have written.I hope to read so much more from your blog.

    Like

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