Four Saturdays ago I had the scare of my life. I know I am healthy. I know I eat right, I exercise, and I pray hard so just imagine my surprise to experience temporary loss of vision in one eye.
Yup! That very moment I knew that’s the end of me.
One tiring Saturday, after putting Miguel to bed and as Mike and I were getting ready to sleep, all of a sudden I couldn’t see through my right eye. The specific eye just turned gray. At first I thought maybe I was just imagining it or that something blocked my eye and I ignored it for a moment. But as I stood up I realized that I am really blind on one eye!
I started to panic and cried really hard as Mike try to comfort me.
The first thing that popped into my mind is “How about the kids, Lord? How can I homeschool? How can I cook? How can I give Miguel a bath?”
After crying in the dark for a while my vision started to come back slowly. Mike told me to rest and we’ll see a doctor the next day. The only thing I asked him to do after the incident was to message my sister because it also happened to her a year ago.
My cousin just died due to heart attack at the age of 39 that week. My grandparents had the exact ailment too and died with the exact same reason. Both my parents have symptoms of hypertension. Not to mention my sister was diagnosed with Amaurosis fugax or temporary loss of vision due to cholesterol blockage in the arteries.
I knew deep inside me that this was it. Although I couldn’t accept that it was happening to me right now—I am too young for it. I am only 27, Lord.
I saw an ophthalmologist the next day and she had to dilate both my eyes to further examine my retina. The experience was the worst for I have to suffer blurry vision for hours! Which also led me to appreciate my companion for the day, Mike, as I held on to him during the process as I couldn’t really see very well!
Thankfully, my doctor didn’t see anything wrong with my eyes (except for my astigmatism which I am currently correcting). But since I told her my family history she wanted to be sure that there are no arteries blocked so I have to do some tests.
For a couple of weeks I felt restless, anxious, afraid and depressed.
Yesterday I got my carotid artery ultrasound result. Just as I suspected plaques are already building up which can lead to stroke. I still need to hear from my doctor final findings and medications.
“See now that I myself am he! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand.” Deuteronomy 32:39
I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t questioned the Lord. I did ask him, after all the blessings he has been showering upon us, why does he still give us illness? And honestly I felt bad asking him that. Because there is nothing certain in this life except that HE IS GOD. He gives and takes.
One must understand that once you become a believer of Christ it doesn’t give you an assurance that you won’t be sick anymore BUT IT DOES GUARANTEE YOU ETERNAL LIFE WITH HIM.
Life on earth is just life. You get sick, you get healed, you get poor, you get rich and then again and again. It’s a never ending cycle of joy and pain. That is why it’s important to really know what it means to follow Jesus.
If you think that becoming a Christian will make you prosperous, you are wrong. Don’t fall for that trap. Yes, you will be blessed but you must also understand that material things are temporary.
Right now I have lifted everything to God. If it is his will that I get sick, be it. BUT I don’t want to think this way about my God. It’s wrong that I would think negatively about him for I know his plans are not to hurt me but to strengthen me and bless me.
I know everyone dies anyway but one must not be stupid to leave it as is. I will see my doctor soon and will start living an extra healthy lifestyle.
You might be under great stress as of the moment but I just want you to know that there is a God who will comfort you and give you rest.